It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed celebrating my birthday. It’s just another day… except now I’m 86400 seconds older than I was yesterday. Which is exactly the same thing I could say yesterday, and if I’m lucky will be able to say tomorrow. I’m not a year older today. Just a day older. Yes, now I can say I’m 38. But I’m also a year closer to death.
You see I don’t celebrate birthdays… I celebrate *everyday*. I don’t know which will be my last, so I live each moment with no regrets. In many ways I’m living on borrowed time right now. Between the marathon bombing shattering my psyche and that hit and run devastating my body two and a half years ago… perhaps I should be dead already.
Yet I’m still here. Sort of.
It’s been a rough month. I lost my home. The condo in South Beach that I thought would be my home base until old age or sea level rise washed it away – I was given the boot and no place to go. I’d lived there for longer than anywhere else in my life, and it was the first place that I actually considered my long term home. And just like that it was gone.
Losing that home set off a chain reaction… since my brain still doesn’t function right, I still can’t manage a regular job. Miami isn’t exactly a cheap place to live, so there was no way I could get by anymore in the 305. Good-bye Miami! I don’t have any other choice. Of course that meant I couldn’t get to my few remaining clients anymore – the few that had held on through my injuries, and were understanding enough to wait months or years for appointments, let my errors slide, deal with last minute health issues, and still stick with me. SoBeMac had survived so many things. I’d poured my heart and sole into that business, and with great sacrifice kept it on life support these past few years. Just like that… it was over. RIP SoBeMac.
The worst part was that this move-out has been the absolute worst thing for my health. Doctors told me to rest my brain until 7 days after the last headache. It’s been years since the last time I didn’t have a headache… so I’m supposed to be avoiding stress and loud environments. Yeah right…
I feel like I’ve regressed back to where I was the moment I was hit. I can barely stay upright at times, sometimes wearing a bicycle helmet walking around to protect me from my inevitable falls. Back, leg and neck pain levels are through the roof and whats left of my brain feels like its going to explode. I still can’t get healthcare and I’m legally barred from seeking compensation for my injuries. It’s going to be a long road to recovery.
Somehow I’m still not worried! I’m an endurance athlete, a distance runner. I’ll find my way to the finish. I don’t know where I’m going to end up. I don’t know how I’m going to get there. But I do know that I will persevere. I do know that I will get through this, and somehow end up on my feet at the other side. Left foot, right foot, face plant is still forward progress. As long as I keep getting back up and keep trudging forward, I will be OK.
Over these past few years, my running, and my running family have been pretty much all I’ve had. These are the things that have kept me going, and will continue to do so. So as I search for a place to rest my weary head, pardon the meager updates. Whether it is through this blog or in other ways, wherever I end up I will continue to be a part of the running community. You’ve all been my family, and I can’t imagine how things would have ended up without you. I’ll still post on social media when I can get online, and will try my best to respond to those who reach out. I’m not sure what the future of this blog will be, but I know I will keep running
Yes, I am now officially #HoboRunner